What Happened When I Finally Talked to My Partner About Toys

I waited a while before bringing it up.

We’d been together for a few years, and we had a good rhythm—familiar, easy, maybe a little too easy. I’d been thinking about trying a toy for myself, maybe something small, just out of curiosity. But saying it out loud felt... vulnerable.

Not because I thought he’d be angry or laugh, but because I didn’t know how it would land. I didn’t want him to take it the wrong way.

I Didn’t Plan to Say It That Night

We were lying in bed talking about nothing in particular. I was tired and relaxed, which made it easier to let something slip that I’d been holding in for a while.

“I’ve been thinking about trying one of those, you know, vibrators.”

It wasn’t a dramatic moment. I didn’t build up to it. I just said it.

He paused—not in a bad way. Just processing. Then he said, “Yeah? Like what kind?”

I wasn’t sure. “Something small. I saw one that looked kind of simple.”

That was it. No teasing. No weird silence. He nodded. “Okay. If you want to.”

That’s when I realized: most of the tension I’d felt had nothing to do with him. It was me—trying to preemptively defend something I hadn’t even asked for yet.

Why It Took Me So Long

I think I’d built it up in my head as a “big deal.” I assumed he might take it personally, or think I was bored, or that it was some sort of signal that something was missing.

But I didn’t want a toy instead of him. I wanted something that added to what we already had—especially for the times when I wanted to explore on my own.

We talk about intimacy like it should come naturally. But sometimes it takes new tools, and new conversations, to keep things honest and interesting.

What Helped the Most

What helped was how normal he made it feel. He didn’t make jokes. He didn’t push me to explain more than I wanted to. He just listened and made space for it to be part of the conversation.

Later that week, I showed him a product page from Diose—a soft silicone bullet vibrator with just a few settings. “Something like this,” I said.

He looked at it, shrugged, and said, “Looks nice.”

That was it. No weirdness. Just quiet support. And honestly, that made me want to share more with him.

We Didn’t Use It Right Away

For a while, it was just something I used on my own. He knew, but we didn’t talk about it much.

Then one night, a few weeks later, he asked, “Do you want to use that thing together sometime?”

It caught me off guard, in a good way. We tried it. It wasn’t perfect, but it was comfortable. He asked questions. I gave honest answers. We figured it out slowly.

It didn’t turn us into a new couple overnight. But it gave us something small and new to figure out together. And that, in a long-term relationship, is more valuable than people often admit.

What I Learned

• You don’t need a “perfect moment” to bring it up.

• You can start with small language: “I’ve been thinking about…”

• Most of the fear lives in your own head—not in your partner’s response.

• It doesn’t have to be sexy. It just has to be honest.

According to a 2022 study inJournal of Sexual Wellness and Behavior, couples who incorporate open communication about sex-related topics report higher long-term satisfaction, even when the topic is new or uncomfortable.

It Started with a Small Conversation

Not a big talk. Not a dramatic reveal. Just one small, honest sentence.

If you’re thinking about trying something new, or if you’ve wanted to bring it up but haven’t found the right words—that’s okay. The words don’t have to be perfect. They just have to be yours.

Diose offers gentle, beginner-focused toys that are easy to explore alone or with someone you trust. See what feels right for you on theDiose homepage, orsend us a messageif you want help choosing where to start.